Harrowing Truths: The Hunger Games
by fictionalmusings
Summary: Forty-seven children are destined to die in the 75th Hunger Games. Lavender doesn't expect to win the games, but she will make it hard for the viewers to say goodbye to her. With no family back in District 12 she thinks she doesn't have anything to lose, but there is much she doesn't see. Lavender's actions in the games reflect directly on her mentors: Katniss, Peeta, and Haymitch.
1. Chapter 1

It took three days without food before I ventured into the woods to try hunting. I snuck across the district's border and into the mysterious unknown in hopes of surviving another day. The hunger and fear made my unlawful trip messy; if anyone were looking they'd know someone crossed the border. Of course, no one was looking, because no one cares about District 12.

I didn't catch anything my first trip out, but I did find some berries that I took a chance on. Turns out they weren't poisonous, because I'm still here. It took weeks, but eventually I caught game. I don't know how, but I caught a bunny. I didn't believe it; I almost still don't believe it. My arrow shakily sailed through the air and hit the animal. It wasn't quite dead, so I had to slit its throat. I cried for at least an hour, and then I had to figure out how to clean it. After that day, I was never the same.

When I was seven my mom was pregnant. She was getting a little old to have children, malnourished, and an unlucky member of 12. She didn't have the luxury of taking time off from work. She miscarried. She died. It was just dad and I for eight years. Then the mine collapsed and I was alone.

They didn't let me collect my dad's last check. I had nothing. They even took the house. I'm not sure who "they" are, if the seizing of my house was legal or not, but I had just enough time to sneak out my dad's bow, arrow, knife, a bag of clothing, and the only family portrait we had. From that day on I had no home and no one to help. We all have problems, even the wealthiest in 12, that it's really easy to overlook someone in pain.

So on my third day without food I went into the woods. I was terrified. There was so much green it almost hurt my eyes. There were bugs, flowers, snakes, and birds. I was so surprised by the amount of life that lived in the woods just outside of town. The deeper into the woods I went, the less filth from the mines coated the trees. How have I lived so close to such vibrant life and not know it?

The first time, I only risked being out in the woods for about an hour or two. I was breaking the law and didn't know what would happen if someone noticed. When I crept back into town I expected peacekeepers to be waiting for me. They weren't. When I walked through town I expected people to look at me and know that I did wrong. They didn't. I walked along the streets trying to see if I caught anyone's eye, but as usual most people kept their eyes to the ground. No one knew.

No one knew.

Really, no one cared.

The next day I wandered longer. I practiced with the bow, aiming for a tree and missing. I found a lake and again, I was scared. I didn't trust something so serene looking. I thought there must be something lurking just under the surface waiting for me. But, I didn't really have a choice as I hadn't bathed in days, so I hesitantly stripped down and entered the cool water. It was heaven. I didn't go in too far, but after a few minutes I knew I would come back every day. I'd go deeper and deeper until I could swim.

Each day I retuned to town. I may not think people noticed me, but I do know the capital has eyes everywhere. I'm still registered and received a minimum food ration. If I didn't pick it up, it would be a red flag. And so my days continued fairly the same. I went out to hunt, I took a swim, I walked aimlessly around town, and I slept in a makeshift camp near the small houses of the poorest people. I didn't really talk to anyone, but no one tried to talk to me. I lived a lonely life, but watching the other people of 12 I wondered if I had it better than them. I didn't have to worry about the rough work of coal mining wearing down my father, or the extra mouths of siblings to feed. I was alone, but completely self-sufficient.

About six months into law breaking I realized I wasn't the only one going into the woods. I had been up in a tree silently waiting for some unknowing prey to cross my path when I heard laughter. A boy and a girl walked right below me without a glance in my direction.

"Shut it, Gale," said the girl. I knew her voice, but couldn't place it. "You'll scare all the animals away with your laughter."

"It's not my fault you can't walk," said Gale.

The girl turned to him and gave him a shove. It was then that I saw her face: Katniss. Her father died in the mine collapse, too. She still had a mother and sister to care for. I heard her mother was still in shock over the death of her husband, so Katniss had to provide for her family. I guess she too must have taken to the woods to survive. And then I realized I knew Gale, too. He was just a little older than me, had a lot of siblings, too many to feed. The three of us had so much in common, fighting to survive, that I wanted to climb down the tree to talk to them. But I didn't. I just watched them until I couldn't see their figures anymore.

Katniss taught me how to make a snare. I mean she didn't know she taught me. I saw her do it more times than I could count. Gale taught me how to properly skin animals. Again, he didn't know it, but I took ever bit of knowledge I could. I'm grateful to them both.

Then when I was sixteen, Katniss volunteered at the reaping for her sister.

The moment her train left for the capital I was in the woods. It sounds ridiculous, but she felt like a friend. My emotions were choking me. I didn't bother covering my tracks and stumbled my way to the lake. Stripping to my undergarments I submerged myself in the water. Once under the surface I let out the agonizing scream that was bursting from my chest. I broke the surface gasping for air. I flipped onto my back, floated and stared up at the sky.

I floated and forgot.

"You shouldn't be out here," a voice rang out. My heart stopped. I was going to die. I was too sloppy. It was a stupid day to come out into the woods. I looked for the source of the voice. My heart sped up even more: it was Gale.

"There are a lot of peace keepers still in town. You're risking a lot being out here."

He was crouching at the waters edge. His fingers grazed surface of the lake, testing the water temperature. He was incredibly attractive. He looked so sad.

"I'm sorry," I barely whispered. I anxiously looked around fearful someone would hear me. I swam a little closer to him, but not too close because I didn't want him see me in my underwear.

"Why, it's you're life." He said flatly.

"No," I started, "I'm sorry about Katniss. I know you guys are…were… are…together. I can't imagine. I'm so sorry."

He looked at me then, really looked at me.

"Why do you think we were together?" he asked.

"I… uh… I've seen you two in the woods together." I cleared my throat feeling my cheeks flush. I felt very exposed and kind of creepy. "I mean, I'm out here every day. I've seen the both of you together and just kind of assumed."

"I don't think Katniss feels that way about me."

"She most definitely does," I said quickly and regretted it.

He laughed at me a little.

"So, you're out here everyday? How come we've never seen you? Do you hunt or just swim?"

"I'm quiet and I hunt."

We were quiet for a bit and the sun started to set. I was getting cold, but didn't want to get out in front of him.

"It's getting late," he said. "We're really asking for trouble if we don't get back."

"I know." I said.

He tilted his head and raised his eyebrows.

"Want to walked back together?" he spoke slowly like I was an idiot.

"Sure," I rolled my eyes. "Frist can you turn around so I can get out?"

"I have sisters," he said laughing while turning around.

"So?" I spat back. "I don't know you that well."

Thankfully I had brought a towel. I quickly dried the best I could and put my clothes on. I walked up next to him and nodded that we could go. He towered over me. We walked in silence until we crossed the nonworking electric fence that enclosed the district.

"So what is your story then?" he asked.

"Same as everyone else I guess." I said.

It was getting dark. People were a little rowdy in town. Most of the mineworkers were drunk and the children were running wild. It doesn't happen much in 12, but the reaping brings either sadness or relief. We neared Gale's house.

"Where do you live?" He asked. "I'll walk you home. You should walk alone on a night like this."

I gave a harsh laugh.

"Thanks, but I'll be fine."

"No really," he said.

"If it makes you feel better, but you really don't have to," I responded.

"I'm Gale by the way," he said. "If you didn't know from spying on Kat and I."

He had a joking twinkle in his eye, but my cheeks still reddened with embarrassment.

"I'm Lavender."

We made it to my "home". The floor was made out of pallets so that when it rained I was above the ground and wouldn't get too wet. I made a tent out of a tarp that I bought in the Hob (12's black market). It was very small, just slightly bigger than a bed. I made a campfire near the opening of my "home", but knew better than to light it on a night like tonight because it would attract unwanted visitors.

"You're kidding, right?"

It stung more than I thought it would. I was sort of proud of my home. It protected me from the rain and surprisingly enough it protected me in the winter, barely. I traded many of my kills in the beginning for blankets. It was a hard winter, but most nights I stayed up next to the fire and slept during the say when the sun was up.

"No," I said half angry, half hurt. "This is where I live. I don't spend much time here, but I sleep here."

"Don't you have a family?" He said walking quickly to my campsite. He very rudely stuck his head into my tent. I was mortified. I knew I had little, but everyone was poor in 12. I had a few changes of clothes in one corner. Five very thick blankets lying out as a makeshift bed and my family portrait. My hunting gear stayed in the woods. Gale reached out and grabbed the family portrait. I was seven, my mom was very pregnant, and my dad was unsmiling.

"Not anymore, they're both dead." I said grabbing the picture back from him.

"And now you live alone? You can't be more than 15. I can't believe no one took you in. You have no extended family? No one from the government placed you with a family?" He sounded angry.

"You know how things go," I said quietly. "It's really easy for things to be overlooked."

"The Capitol is such shit," he spat. "You are a person, not a thing, they should be held accountable. You can't live like this. You can stay with us, I mean we have a lot of people, but we will make room. Fucking Capitol."

"Shhh!" I hushed him. I grabbed his arm tightly. "Don't say that, you don't know who is listening. I'm fine, I learned to hunt, and I've made it through a winter, its fine. Besides, I'm 16; I'm almost an adult. I can take care of myself."

He looked down at him with his green eyes. He was worn out, exhausted with emotions from loosing his best friend to the games. Even if Katniss came back, she wouldn't be the same.

"I'm so sorry," I said a little more gently and I loosened more grip on his arm.

"You shouldn't be sorry. This is outrageous. You shouldn't have to live this way!"

"You know that's not why you're so upset," I said. I hugged him. It was awkward because he was so tall and I wasn't used to touching people. "None of us deserve a life of fear. None of us deserve to go into the arena, or see a friend go into the arena." I was barely speaking, but Gale softened and held me back. We sat at the opening of my tent. Gale was crying, which made me cry. "Gale, I'm so sorry."

And that is how Gale and I became friends.


	2. Chapter 2

The games tore Gale apart. From day one he said that he didn't want to pay attention, he didn't want to watch, he wasn't going to feed the beast, but I saw him watching. He thought she could win. I thought she could win. She just needed to think of the arena as our woods; she survived here and could there.

The story the game spun, the love between victors, is what really hurt Gale. The love of his life was cuddling with another in a dark cave. She was playing the game. She was surviving, but I think that he thought she would do it different. He thought she would take the high road; that she would stay true to herself. His feelings blinded him, because you can't be yourself when you play the game.

My daily routine stayed pretty similar: hunt, swim, walk around town, and return home. I went to the town square during the viewing times. Sometimes Gale would watch with the Everdeen's, but sometimes he sat with me. We'd sit on the edge of the dried up fountain and face the huge screen. He'd sit so close to me that our legs and arms were touching.

I cried every time someone was killed. I tried to hide it, but I couldn't stop myself. I was weak. I always hated the games, but I now had a friend that was invested in a tribute. I was useless. I couldn't make him feel better, I couldn't help Katniss, and I was just there. The nights were the worst. I would lie in my tent and stare up at nothing. Why was I even here? No one would miss me. Gale and I were only friends because Katniss wasn't here. What was the purpose of this life? Who was I?

I had some dark nights, but somehow I always made it to the morning.

I don't know if it helped them, but any time I caught extra game I left the skinned animals on the doorstep of the Everdeen's and Mellark's. It doesn't replace what was happening to their children, but was one less meal to worry about.

When we found out both Katniss and Peeta were coming home, the town celebrated. Gale rejoiced with the Everdeen's and I just sat on the edge of a dried up fountain. She did it, she actually did it. I thought she could, I always did, but the reality of it was unbelievable. She was coming home, but she wasn't coming home herself, she was coming home as Peeta's lover, the Capitol's sweetheart, she was coming home to be someone that everyone watched. Sitting on the edge of a dried up fountain I realized that she wasn't really going to be home. She'd always be watched. She'd always be in the games. What does that mean for Gale? Did she actually have to be with Peeta? Gale… would Gale still be my friend?

It was selfish, I know. How could I be worried about not being friends with Gale, when Katniss just fought her way home? When she was forced to kill. When she was forced into a love that she didn't feel? But I was second choice, I always had been, and I didn't want to be alone again.

I slipped out of the town square and back to my tent. I spent the night unnoticed and alone. Come morning I took a deep breath and said, "I can do this again, I will survive."

A week later Katniss and Peeta came home. I joined the town at the train tracks to wait for them. I saw Gale, Katniss' sister and her mother in the crowd. Gale and I made eye contact, he smiled, I smiled and gave a little wave but I didn't go over. This would be a family reunion.

When the train pulled up and the victors walked out the crowd roared with excitement. Both Katniss and Peeta looked so healthy. They didn't look like they were from 12, but I think that's the point, a reward for killing. I wonder what we looked like to them. Did they pity us for not changing while they were gone? Did they envy us? Did they think us fools? Katniss had a forced smile on her face until she saw her family. Then her face really lit up. She was in their arms within moments. She was in his arms—only for a moment, but there she was with him. All of them together was a sight of pure joy.

Peeta was with his family too, but his attention wasn't with them. His family wasn't shinning as bright as Katniss' family. His reunion wasn't as picturesque. Was he second choice as well? Katniss looked back to him and smiled. Peeta smiled back. It was a small moment, but enough for me not to know the answer.

Over the next year my life didn't change that much. I had my survival routine. I saw Gale a couple times. Life was fairly normal. There were more peacekeepers in town than ever before. It made sneaking into the woods a little more dangerous, but of course I still did it.

One day I was coming home from a hunt when I heard a noise, a noise I'd never heard before. There was a buzzing come from the fence. My heart stopped. There was a buzzing coming from the fence. That could only mean one thing…I picked up a stick and tossed it at the fence. The fence was definitely on. The fence was on and I was on the wrong side. Why was the fence on?

I had two illegal kills and was on the wrong side of the fence, but at least I was alone. Gale didn't go hunting today. He actually took a job at the mine. His mom was heartbroken, but the money would really help the family. So this was a problem I would solve alone or I'd be caught alone.

It was winter, so there was a lot of snow on the ground. I dug the snow away from the bottom of the fence. There wasn't much space, but I was small. There was a tree about twenty feet away, but I would have to jump because it didn't quiet grow across the fence. Over or under? Over of under? I asked myself over and over again.

If the fence was on, they must be doing patrols. They must think that someone was going into the woods. If I went under I wouldn't be able to cover my tracks. Then again, if I went over, I may not make it over. A chance I'd have to take. I quickly moved the snow back under the fence; I covered my tracks and went to the tree. It was big and old, but looked to be dying. After I was sure my tracks were erased I climbed the tree. Once I got high enough I started to make my way across the branch that went the furthest across. It definitely was dying, but I was fairly light and tried to be as quick as possible. Once the branch was too thin I took a deep breath and launched myself off.

When I pushed myself off the branch it broke. That meant that I didn't make it as far as I hoped. My legs caught part of the fence. A shock broke through my body. I wriggled and fell face first into the snow. It all happened in a matter of seconds but I could still feel the pulsing in my veins for hours. I hastily cleaned my tracks, as I ran home. My kills, the first fresh food I was to have in days, still on the other side of the fence.

I made it home without anyone talking to me. Still shaking I made a fire. I cooked the last of my rice rations; the food was supposed to last me for another three days. Then when I was sure no one was paying any attention to me I inspected my body. My leg had a slight burn, I had some cuts on my arms from the fall, but besides that I was fine. The fear was the worst.

It was a long and cold night. Actually it was the coldest night of the year. I half expected Gale to come check on me, but his shifts in the mine were exhausting. Plus it was a Wednesday night; Wednesday nights he had dinner with the Everdeen's. By this time he would be exhausted and well fed. So I sat by the fire, wrapped in blankets, and watched my breath as I ate the last of my rice.

The next day Katniss left for the victory tour. That meant that it must be halfway to the next games. They need to keep the games always in the fore front of our minds. Right when we start to move on, they throw the victors back in our faces. It must be torture for them; a torture that ended with Katniss' engagement to Peeta.

Gale was busy. I was busy trying to survive this cold winter. I saw less and less of him. When I did see him he was angry. Angry at the system. Angry with Katniss. Angry at the world. He wanted change and I feared he'd do something stupid to get it.

It was a hard winter, but now summer approaches and so does the 75th Hunger Games, a Quarter Quell. Each Quarter Quell is _special._ The game makers do something even more frightening than usual. All week there have been clips of Caesar Flickerman playing in Town Square discussing possible scenarios. His excitement was sickening.

But now was the moment of truth: the reaping. I found my place among the other 17-year-old girls. I wore the only dress I had. It was once my mothers. It was off white, made of the softest material I've ever touched; it wrapped around my body and tied off to the side at my waist. My hair was parted on the side, flowed in soft, dark waves down and was speckled with grey. It was silly to dress up for the reaping, but we all did it. We were poor, but that doesn't mean we're heathens. If anything, I am prideful, I wasn't going to let the Capitol look at me and only see the starving little girl the made me into.

Across the way I saw Gale, he stood with the adults because last year was his last reaping. Now at 19, he was safe but his brother's weren't. I caught his eye and gave him a quick nod. Worry was visible on his brow.

The crowd hushed as the past victors of 12 walked on stage and took their seats. Katniss was wearing a simple black dress; she wore her mocking jay pin and a solemn face. Peeta held her hand and too wore all black. They looked like they were in mourning. Haymitch Abernathy wore a sloppy black suit and white collared shirt—he must be drunk as he slightly stumbled to his seat. Then finally Effie Trinket made her way on stage to the microphone.

I tuned out the propaganda and looked around at the children. The youngest lined up were only twelve years old. They looked so young, scared, and innocent. It sickened me. I looked for Gale's brothers. I found them all fidgeting and worn out dress clothes. I wondered, as I have in many times in the past, was the reaping truly random, or did they know all along who would be chosen? Did they pick Prim last year because they thought watching a young girl die would make a good show? How much did the Capitol know about us? Did they know who would be missed?

Effie walked over to one of the bowls and cleared her voice and said, "Well here is the moment we've all been waiting for, let the selections begin. The female tribute for District 12 will be…"

Her hand swam among the names too long. The anxiety amongst the girls was almost too much to handle.

"Sarah Mathews."

For a moment I sighed with relief. It wasn't me. It wasn't me. I made it through another ceremony. Only one more to go; next year would be my last ceremony. But then, I saw this Sarah Mathews. She was small, so very small. She was young, probably only 12 years old. She had soft blonde hair, rare for our district. My heart shattered in my chest. I was much too selfish to volunteer, but I could barely breathe.

"And the male tribute is: Ezekiel Travis."

Ezekiel was much larger than Sarah. It was absurd to see them next to each other and think in just a few short weeks they'd be fighting each other to the death. Ezekiel was already a man, his shoulders broad, his eyes dark, and his stature tall.

"Now, as you all know, this year is special," Effie said with a huge smile on her face. "With this Quarter Quell there will be four tributes from each district: two girls and two boys."

The crowd stiffened with the news. Those of us who thought we were safe were thrown back into the lion's den.

"The second female tribute will be: Lavender Cross."

My knees buckled under me, but I caught myself before I fell down. I was the second female tribute. I was being sentenced to die along side the too young Sarah. I took a deep breath and started to walk towards the stage. It felt so far away. There was a ringing in my ears and all I could hear was "Lavender Cross," "Lavender Cross," "Lavender Cross," Lavender Cross." I finally made it to the stage and was told to stand next to Sarah. I looked out at the District I called home and realized; they wont even notice me when I'm gone. Who was I to them? Nothing. Well, they were sure to remember me now, because I would not go quietly in the games. I stood up just a little taller and reminded myself, I am not the starving girl they made me. The wind gently blew causing my hair to flow gently back. My eyes met Gale's and he was stone faced.

I didn't hear the last tributes name being called, but when Effie told us all to shake hands I looked at him. He was younger than me, but older than Sarah. He was too thin. I couldn't think of his name, I didn't know him; he wasn't one of Gale's brothers. Relief.

They took us to the town hall and put each of us in a room to say our goodbyes to friends and family. I was standing at the window when I heard a female voice outside my door.

"What are you doing here, Gale?" It was Katniss; her voice was full of concern and uneasiness. Gale told me President Snow threatened his life if Katniss didn't stay away from Gale.

"I'm here to say goodbye to Lavender. You aren't my only friend Kat," his voice was harsh. It made me wince. There was his anger again.

"I, I know that you have other friends," she started. "I just didn't realize that you knew any of the tributes. I'm sorry."

 _Tributes_. I'm a tribute. It didn't feel real.

The door opened and I jumped. Gale stood there in the doorway for three heartbeats. Then with three quick strides he held me.

"Kat did it, you can do it," he said.

"Shh," I said into his chest. "There are 48 of us this year. I'm a survivor, but still the chances… it's …" I wanted to say impossible but I settled for, "it's unlikely."

"You can do it, you have to do it," he said.

We stood there in silence for a few minutes.

"You are my only friend Gale," I started. "I don't want you to give up hope for the world. She loves you. She's protecting you. Don't give up hope."

When the door opened I was still in his arms.

"Time's up," said a peacekeeper.

"You look truly beautiful today," Gale said quietly.

"Time to go," he said again.

And then he was gone.

 **AN: Thank you for reading! I know, I'm taking my time to set up the story. Let me know what you think.**


	3. Chapter 3

I followed Effie and the victors to the train. People surrounded us, but I felt more alone than ever. The Quarter Quell called for 48 tributes, meaning within weeks there would be 47 dead children. Forty-seven dead children. Almost certainly, one of the dead tributes would be little Sarah.

I stepped up onto the train, but I did not step far into the cart. I turned around to face District 12. I saw hungry eyes, taunt skin, and no one I called family. I looked out into the masses and saw that I was alone. I looked out into the masses and saw I was alone, just as 12 was alone among the districts. I would be a victim of the games, but they were a victim of Panem. Victims, Victims, Victims. How could so many of us be victims? We were the majority.

For the same reason I dressed nice for the games, my pride and anger, I stood tall now. I may be a victim, but I would not be helpless. I would be strong during the games and show that 12 has worth, that 12 is strong, that 12 is persistent, that 12 is a district worth fighting for. Death would be the eventual end, but I would make it hard for the people of Penam to say goodbye to me. I would capture their interest. I would capture their love. For 12, I would be strong. We are victims, but we are the majority.

Katniss and Peeta were just the beginning. I would continue in their place to show the last two victors were not the exception, but the rule. We at 12 have worth.

"Lavender dear," Effie said in an airy yet cheerful voice. "Please, we must be going. Come in. Come in."

As I stood at the edge of the train, I put my middle three fingers together, kissed them, and turned them to the crowd.

"Goodbye," I said.

The train pulled away and I turned my back.

Effie led me to the dinning cart where the victors and tributes sat. The cart was full of things that I had never seen before: wall sized paintings, ornate clocks, food of every color, the richest woods, and pristine furniture. There wasn't a single speck of dust in the entire room. The richness of the room made me feel like a child. It also sickened me-the worth of this one cart could feed so many in 12.

There was a semi-circle of armchairs where the group sat. I sat in the open chair to the right of Sarah and across from Ezekiel. Peeta and Haymitch sat across from Sarah. Katniss and the other male tribute sat at the bend of the circle. The only ones talking were Haymitch and Effie.

I could feel eyes on me and it made my skin crawl. Being in the spotlight would be hard after living a nearly invisible life.

A movement caught my gaze: Sarah's hands were shaking. On impulse scooted my chair closer to hers and held her hand. My movement silenced the room. Sarah looked up at me with big brown eyes; she seemed half grateful and half wary.

"We were born to a world of cruelty," I said quietly to her. "But that does not mean we have to be cruel to each other."

Her fingers squeezed mine.

"We don't have to be cruel?" spat Ezekiel. "The point is to kill each other."

I looked up into his angry stare. He could have been attractive if he wasn't holding onto so much hate; it made his eyes seem small.

"That is not the point of the games," I responded.

"You are beautiful, but you are stupid," he sneered.

There was a long moment of silence.

Just as Haymitch started to clear his throat to speak up I said, "The games are nothing more than a tool of control. We fear each other and forget to fear the real threat. It is a reminder that we have been collared by the Capitol. It is a harsh tug on the leash to make us too afraid to walk ahead. A dog fight is not about the dogs, it is about those who watch it."

"Are you saying you will not play the game?"

"Oh, I'm going to put on one damn good show. But it is not my role to intimidate or kill anyone in this room. There are 44 other tributes and _8 of them are careers_. Why should I have to spill the blood of one of my own?"

"You're not going to kill any of us?" Said the other male tribute. His voice cracked and he seemed just as young as Sarah.

"Let us make a deal. If it comes down to just you and me," I said. "You wait until I'm asleep, then you cut my throat."

"I... I don't know if I could," he said.

"I'd do it myself, but the game makers will not let the last death end in suicide—not after last year."

There was a long and heavy pause in the air.

"And…if you can't do it even after we agreed that is to be the plan, then you're not going to make it to the final two."

It was harsh, but it was the truth. His eyes started to well up with tears. He stood up and ran to me. He collapsed on my lap. His head buried in my chest and he shook with despair. With my free hand I stroked his hair.

"Cut your throat?" He questions.

"You will have to press down harder than you think." As I spoke I took his hand and dragged it across my throat. My eyes met Ezekiel's and I gave him a slight nod.

Effie sniffed and wiped a tear away from her eyes. For some reason, her moment of humanity shocked me and then it made me smile.

"Well," she said, trying to cover up her emotions. "Well, we should get talking! The Quarter Quell is so exciting and all eyes will be on 12 because of Katniss and Peeta. The Capitol has spent a gloriously obscene amount of money on the games this year. You will have a whole new training facility, new rooms, and so much more! New to this year is that the tributes will get to meet many of the sponsors because the Capitol will be hosting televised parties and events throughout training. Plus you get an extra week of training! Oh, it will be such a glamorous time and we will make sure you are all as comfortable as possible. Questions?"

I had questions, a lot actually, but none I wanted to ask in front of the children. I wanted to know the feeling of the Capitol. Were the people happy or angry with Katniss? Did they want a sweet tribute or a vixen? How do I hurt them the most with my death?

Once both Sarah and Liam, the younger male tribute, calmed down, we all sat down to eat dinner together. There was so much food, so many flavors, so much to try. After years of grilled squirrel I couldn't believe that food could taste like this.

"So tomorrow afternoon we will arrive in the Capitol," Effie informed us. "You will each go through the grooming process, meet with your stylist, and tour the living quarters. Oh, I just cannot wait for you to see what luxury you will be living in for the next two and a half weeks! While you sleep tonight, we will clean your clothes that you are wearing. The citizens of the Capitol will want to see you in your district clothes."

All meal Effie was optimistically informing us of all the wonderful things we were going to experience. Her happiness was suffocating and more than once I had to restrain myself from telling her she was talking to four corpses. That's what we were, four kids waiting to be corpses.

Once the meal was over I asked to lie down. Alone in my compartment I felt a part of me break. I curled up on the floor in the corner of the room and cried. I allowed the self-pity and doubt to overwhelm me. I mourned for the others in 12.

I awoke in the early hours of the morning still lying in the corner of the room. My throat was swollen with thirst and I staggered over to the sink. I cupped the running water in my hands and put it my mouth. I swallowed a few mouthfuls before washing my face. I felt all my feelings last night, but now I had to put up a wall. Today is a new day and I must not waiver. I cleaned up, put on my white dress, detangled my long waves, and pinned back part of my hair. I looked in the mirror and thought that I looked all right. My dark hair reached just above my waist, my skin was clear and fair, my eyes were a mix of blue and green, but I was short, often had bad posture, and forgot to smile. I wasn't sure what people saw when they looked at me, but Gale had said I was beautiful.

The sun had not risen when I made it to the dinning cart. No one was around so I allowed myself to truly take in my surroundings and be in awe of all the things I had never seen before. I walked around the room and saw such elegance. I reached up to touch the glass chandelier. The glass chimed filling the empty cart. Then I walked to the wall sized painting.

It looked like home, not 12, but the woods. The landscape captured a lake surrounded by trees of every shade of green. The sky seemed to be endless; it was clear expect near the horizon it looked like a storm brewed. The image appeared serene, but at the same time almost had a current of energy flowing through it. I took a step close and saw that I could see every brush stroke of the artist. Everything looked alive and growing. It made this compartment feel small and cage-like. I felt like all I had to do was take a few more steps and I would be inside the painting, swimming in the lake.

"Do you like it?" said a voice behind me.

I jumped and turned to see Peeta.

"Yes, very much so," I said quietly.

"Have you had breakfast, yet?" He asked gesturing to the table.

"No," I said shaking my head.

"Shall we?"

Sitting across from each other we buttered our toast and sipped coffee. I watched Peeta and thought about his games. I thought about him dreaming of Katniss, running around with the careers, in the cave, and finally the berries. It felt like just yesterday.

"Are you afraid to go back?" I asked him.

"What?" he said looking at me.

"Are you afraid, or nervous, to go back to the Capitol?"

He took a deep breath.

"Yes, the games don't really end for the Victors."

"And now you're a mentor too. I can't image what it is like watching the games knowing you spent the last weeks of the tributes lives getting to know them only to have them die. To have to pretend the games are fun and rub shoulders with the people who sponsor children murdering to stay alive."

"Well," he said. "Not every tribute dies, you never know a 12 may make it."

I laughed at him.

"After last year there is no way they are letting anyone from 12 win." I told him without wavering. "You guys broke the rules and they are mad. Why do you think there have been so many peacekeepers at home? They're looking for any reason to punish you and Katniss."

"So was yesterday's proclamation of 'if its you and me left, I'll let you kill me' just for show?" Katniss asked sitting down next to me.

I silently cursed at myself for sitting with my back to the door.

"We are each other's people, I don't see the point of lying," I said. "I will die for the tributes of 12, but I'm not going into the games with false hope."

"Don't you have a family to get back to?" Peeta asked.

"My mom died when I was seven and my dad died in the same mine collapse as Katniss'," I informed.

"Oh, I'm sorry," he said.

"Don't be, we all have a story," I said.

Slowly the others started trickling in. Everyone dressed in the same clothes as yesterday, but somehow looked different. Throughout the train ride we started to get to know each other.

Sarah was the youngest of 5 siblings. Her dad worked in the coalmines and her mother assisted at the school. Her oldest sisters were both married. She talked about when her sisters were dating their future husbands. She told us about how the boys would come to their house together with flowers that they picked near the fence. She said that the boys were always dirty from the mines and once her oldest sister came home with a dark smudge on her cheek. "They had been kissing!" she said with big eyes. Sarah had never kissed anyone.

Liam was a middle child. His older sister was 18 and worked with his father in the Hob. He had a younger brother who was only 11. Liam still went to school but always worked odd jobs. He helped the mayor clean off the town hall's steps in the winter. He ran messages for the peacekeepers. He would clean up for a man who had goats. "My mom always got mad at my dad for not working in the mines. She wanted him to have a steady paycheck. I always tried to have a job so that he wouldn't have to do that," he said.

Ezekiel was the only child of one of the wealthier families in town. His father owned the general store. Not many of the locals had any money to go there, but all the peacekeepers shopped at the store and would make special orders to get things from the Capitol. Ezekiel spent a lot of time talking to the peacekeepers and was told that on his next birthday they were going to send him to training. "I know they aren't always friendly, but it was an opportunity I couldn't pass up," he said.

We arrived in the Capitol early that afternoon. The train platform was filled with people trying to catch a glimpse of us. They wore the more ornate clothing, had the brightest colored hair, and had on a lot of makeup. I'm no one to judge, but they looked barely human. As we gathered near the trains entranced I tried to calm myself. Stand tall, I told myself. Look happy and curious, I told myself. Make eye contact with people. Make them remember you.

We stepped off the train to a load roaring applause and flashing cameras. I did as I told myself. I smiled and gave slight waves. Both Sarah and Liam were a big anxious and walked very close to me. I put a comforting arm around both of them. The crowd loved it. Ezekiel paid no attention to us, or the crowd. All ages were there to see the first glimpse of the tributes.

We were almost of the car that would take us to our stylists when I saw a group of children. Four little boys, probably about 8-years-old, were throwing a ball back and forth. A little girl a few years younger was running back and forth trying to get the ball.

"Give it back!" She shouted.

They laughed at her and threw the ball back and forth faster. One tripped her. She started crying, but got right back up. I strayed from my group to theirs. Just before one boy caught the ball, I snagged it from the air. They all turned to stare at me in shock.

"Now, this doesn't seem like a very nice game," I said.

I crouched down to the level of the little girl.

"Is this yours?" I asked holding the ball out.

She wiped her tears away and nodded.

"What is your name?" I asked.

"Octavia," she said.

"What a beautiful name! My name is Lavender. Would you like your ball back?"

I held it out to her. She grabbed it and laughed.

"You all play nice now," I said with a smile.

As I returned to my group I could feel hundreds of eyes on me. I heard that patter of feet and turned to see Octavia running after me.

"Thank you, Lavender!" She yelled as she hugged me.

There was a collective "Awwww" from the crowd.

Once in the car Haymitch started laughing.

"Pulling heart strings are you?" he said between laughs. "In case you are not aware," he said to the other tributes, "Lavender is already playing the game."


End file.
